You Whom I Love Dearly
by The Official United Queendom
Summary: She would search for him forever, never give up. Never. /Sibling RusBel


_**Author's note:** For the amazing **A Drop of Starlight** , who took the time to beta this despite my exhaustion with it. This is all I have to show for this year. :') Couldn't have written this without you. xoxo Stay cool m'friend! __я тебя люблю ;)_

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She sat on the porch steps, watching the rain fall in sheets before her. It was fiercely cold and she only had on a thin blouse, but she didn't care, feeling the stinging air against her skin and the cold stone of the porch she was sitting on. The wind whistled, a low whisper blowing past her; other than that, there was no hint of life anywhere along the entire street, no sound save her quiet breathing, barely audible above the storm. There was only this young girl sitting by herself on her porch steps, quietly watching the rain fall, her eyes travelling beyond the darkness as though waiting for someone, or seeing something behind all the loneliness.

Natalya sighed and rested her chin on the palm of her hand, her eyes not really seeing as she looked up into the murky blackness of the cloudy night sky. The long scarf she had in her lap slipped a little, and she pulled the end back up, careful not to let it touch the damp ground. Her eyes softened a bit as she looked again at the soft fuchsia crocheted yarn, and she lifted it to her face, her eyes slowly closing. She took a deep breath, as though she might be able to detect some trace of his scent again after so long.

"Ivan…" she whispered.

Perhaps, if she listened just a bit harder, she might hear on the whisper of the wind, some small sound or echo of a voice calling her… Maybe.

 _Ivan, where are you?_

 _Where have you been…?_

Shadows fluttered to and fro across the darkness before her face, and she let herself imagine one of them was the tall form of her once-before stepbrother, come to visit her again.

Five years.

It had been five years. Five years to the day their parents had died, and they had become free. Natalya had shed her fair share of tears, but she remembered thinking that it was, at the same time, a tremendous stroke of luck for the two of them. It had meant that whatever had existed between her and Ivan could finally come out into the open.

She had waited for that moment for so long.

And then Ivan had decided to leave.

It had been so sudden she had been shocked through to the heart. Yes, he had been strangely calm and silent a few days before, but she'd thought it wasn't anything much, instead giving him some space. She'd felt his need for it. But a few days later Ivan broached the subject of their parents, saying he wanted to go see them one last time.

Little did Natalya know it would also be the last time she'd ever see him again.

But the next day she knew. The letter had been neatly folded into a square and tucked in beside her lamp.

"My dearest Natalya,

If you are reading this letter at the moment, then please know that I am gone. I give you my sincerest apologies for wandering off on a meaningless excuse, but there is no possible way for me to return. It is no fault of yours; you will always be close to my heart, my loving sister, and I will always love you in return as your brother, no matter where I may go or what I may do. Lately I have seen the look in your eyes, and it saddens me to say this, but know that I will only ever love you as you are, Natalya my sister. Do not be sad that I have gone; and I will not forget you. You have been one of the few lights in my life, and I hope you will find a better life than the one you have lived with me. I truly am sorry that it has to be this way, but I will always be

Your loving brother,

Ivan Braginsky."

She had cried, yes, she had cried. Almost dropped the letter in stumbling out into the cold, cold snow, battling desperately against the driving wind with her legs and her lungs, screaming out his name. But no answer came, and she knew in her heart of hearts that he was never coming back. Ivan, her Ivan. Her strength and her light and her joy. All gone.

All gone.

And five years later, here she was, sitting on the same cold porch in the same cold air and the same cold wind, his unravelling scarf splayed out on her lap. Making a wish on every dark falling raindrop.

They had once had a game of hide-and-seek. So many years ago, when they were just children.

"Come on, there's plenty of snow! You hide and I'll find you!" Ivan had said, and she'd obeyed, giggling, digging herself a little cavern beside the frozen heart of the pond. He'd found her easily—she'd left footsteps—and then it was his turn. When she'd covered her eyes and turned away Ivan had disappeared. Hours and hours it seemed that she'd searched, with no success, until Ivan had finally popped out from a small snowdrift and scared her with a loud yell.

Yet again he'd disappeared this time. Years and years it seemed that she'd searched.

With no success.

Silently she stood up, the scarf rippling down into her hands.

Natalya slowly wrapped it around her neck.

 _Ivan, I'm going to find you now._

 _Okay?_

No answer, but that was what she'd been expecting. No matter. She would search for him forever, never give up. Never.

Without looking back she stepped forward into the darkness, letting it envelop her and take her to he whom she most loved.

xxx

—Five Days Later—

It was much too early for anyone really to be up, but somehow crowds had made their way to a large street in the heart of Moscow. The normally deserted pavement was teeming with the murmured voices and hushed whispers used in times of distress.

Everyone seemed to be converging toward a certain spot in the pavement, still half-drowned in the running water from yesterday's rain. All was tense and hurried until a loud siren announced the arrival of an ambulance.

"Make way," shouted a burly paramedic as he parted the crowd for a stretcher to come through. People scattered like leaves.

"It's a girl," said one quaking Russian woman, pointing towards the centre of the crowd. "She's been passed out there for a while now, I think."

She was right; a girl had indeed collapsed in the middle of the street during the heavy rains. But there was no mark of injury on her snow-white skin, and her eyes were closed, a small serene smile adorning her thin face with an unearthly beauty. In her hand she still clutched a long ribbon of fabric that looked to be a scarf.

The paramedics stood silent and still for a moment, looking down at her, their eyes solemn and sad. Then they slowly lifted her onto the stretcher and into the ambulance. But before they could slide shut the heavy metal doors, a voice shouted, a tall someone barreled into them and stopped them from performing their duties.

"STOP!" the blond man bellowed, his face panicked and drawn. He snatched up one of the paramedics and shook him. "Tell me, who is she? WHO IS SHE!? WHY WAS SHE HERE?"

But before he even heard an answer he broke off hysterically and climbed in to the stretcher, breath catching and tears choking in his throat.

"NATALYA! NATALYA!"

The paramedics found him half-collapsed over the cold body of the girl, but he wouldn't budge, no matter how hard they tried to pry him away. The tears continued to roll down his face as he tried desperately to wake her up.

"Natalya...! Sestra! This is Ivan, I've come back! I've been looking and waiting for you for so long... I'm back now, you don't need to be sad anymore. Just look at me, open your eyes and look at me! I'm right here—"

"Sir, I'm very sorry, but—" The soft-spoken paramedic wasn't able to finish his sentence with its terrible news, because the man named Ivan had punched him right in the face. The ambulance was already driving at top speed toward the local hospital, but even as the buildings around them dimmed to a mere blur through the cracked windows, it didn't seem fast enough. And Ivan was still sobbing, holding on to the still hand of his sister Natalya, cold as ice.

"Please don't leave me..." he whispered. "Please don't leave me as I left you. I came back. See. I came back..."

It seemed that there still remained on Natalya's face the remnant of her childhood smile.

"... I came back to find you, Natalya. I found you."

xxx

It was neither snowing nor raining that morning in February—in fact, the sun had decided to rise in the damp blue sky. But the air held a certain bitter iciness that numbed him all over, with no room for resistance. And as Ivan stood in the cemetery, towering over the small gravestone before him with his head bowed and his hat tucked under his arm, he could only think of how cold everything was. How cruel.

The carved words "Natalya Arlovskaya" stared up at him from the unyielding stone. Ivan gave a soft, shuddering sigh and slowly bent down to trace them with his long fingers.

"Sestra... Sestra, how have you been?" he whispered softly. "How is it up there? I've missed you, you know. I come here every day, but it's not enough. I miss seeing your face and your eyes and your smile..." Ivan paused and closed his eyes for a moment. "I hope things are going well for you. I hope you're happy wherever you are, I really do. Maybe one day I'll go up there too and visit you, hmm?"

He let out a small sigh and slowly lay down on the ground, placing his ear next to her gravestone. He easily stretched the entire length of the plot devoted to her, but it didn't matter. Ivan could smell the dampness of the frost collecting on his last gift of flowers, but also the sweet scent of the yellow chrysanthemums he had just set down in front of the stone. With a soft smile he lay there, feeling closer to her than he had in many, many years. For the first time he felt as though she was actually there, next to him, sitting next to him with one of her sad, loving smiles.

"Natalya," he whispered, letting the word trail out and dissolve softly through the gentle cool breeze. Everything was so soft, so quiet, so peaceful and beautiful. Just like her. He never wanted to leave. He wanted to stay with her forever.

 _Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful?_

 _I know you will, I know you will, I know that you will..._

He would.

He would. He would stay this time, stay with her no matter what... Just as she'd wished for him to do, just as it was always meant to be.

And he did.

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 _Sad, I know, but that's all I had. Don't forget to leave a review if you liked it! Thank you:)_


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